does it matter?
being a 24-year-old with a break in between jobs = lots of time and cause to think.
life has such phases where things are so busy that we're just keeping our head above water, and then there are other times when things calm down and there's more time to reflect and think. i'm grateful for the cycles in life and for time to step back and evaluate where i am, as cliché as it sounds. i feel like the last two years had such purpose that i was never stopping to think about what i was doing...i was just doing it. waking up at 5:45 became second nature (and still is... :/ ) and working with my students consumed me all day. grad school filled up my nights, and time with my husband kept me balanced and happy. we used every spare second to see new things and travel, and time went so fast. i feel like i was doing good things but not taking enough time to think about them, etc. now with TFA over, grad school complete, a move into a new apartment, and my parents leaving, i've had changes and a few weeks to just THINK and be with myself and not have 10 million things going on in my mind. it helps that this week i've been driving and biking across colorado with my parents, brother and aunt for ride the rockies, and those stunning green hills and snow-capped mountains have put me in a trance where i've been able to think so clearly. no cell phone service, no routine, no distractions.
thanks to reading thrive by arianna huffington (so recommended!!!) and some conversations with a great friend, i've been forced to think about what matters. it's incredible how many of the things that consume us do not matter in the big scheme of things. we can't always have that perspective, and small things are part of our daily lives, but there is such a power in being able to step back and widen the lens often, reminding ourselves to keep the important things at the top of our priority lists. the thing i've had on my mind is: i want to do something that matters. not to make me important, but to make me feel like i'm contributing to this world and the people around me. to help me keep perspective and stay balanced and in tune with myself. i know it sounds cheesy! but it's such a sincere desire almost all of us have. i just finished doing something that i really do feel mattered, so it has become even more important in my mind---what will i do next? how do i continue to give back and do things that matter? while reading this book and talking to my friend, i've been challenged to think, what matters? what doesn't? as i've been in the interview process for jobs out here in san francisco i've had in my mind: focus on what matters. don't take anything because of the money, take it because you love it and WANT to do it. take it because it helps others or makes the world around me better. simple right? but not easy! we are so focused on being smart and taking the logical path and climbing the ladder and making more money and having career success but it means nothing if you're not happy. it's been so refreshing // and a little bit scary to have this in mind as i approach final interviews for very different jobs, and i try to remind myself to focus on the important things and be thoughtful about what i want to give to my next job, not what i want to get out of it.
the same goes for other things in my life...my friendships, my hobbies, even this blog! as it's grown a little bit and i've had more and more fun with it, i've stopped to think --- does this blog matter? is it something that adds good things to the world? it seems so dumb when you think of the big picture! but if it doesn't matter, why do i love doing it so much? why is it such an outlet for me, and why do i love reading other blogs? why do i love looking back on it and why do i love sharing favorite places and discoveries? i've come to decide that the basis of writing this blog is valuable for me because it is to share beauty and appreciation and love for the world around me. i love this life and taking time to write things down and document it helps me express why i love it. it helps me slow down in this crazy world and appreciate the small things, the things i love. sending people to amazing food or sights makes me happy because i know they are enjoying life too. i hope it doesn't come across as attention-seeking, but rather as an appreciative, inspiring celebration of life. maybe it doesn't come across that way to some people, and that is A-okay. all i care about is how it is to me, and why i'm doing it. if i was doing it for attention, i think i would have stopped by now-- because that isn't fulfilling. but i truly LOVE every post i do on this blog because it represents how much i love life and want to live every second of it. it gives me a space to express that and document it. that's also why i love to read other blogs because they inspire me and make me happy. they remind me that there are so many good people, amazing experiences, good recipes, :) and happy thoughts out there. they help me relate and instead of comparing, i come away inspired to be better or to see a different point of view.
so as i navigate the next chapter of my life, i hope i focus on things that matter. i hope i don't sweat the small stuff. i hope i represent good and important things on this blog and in my everyday life. i hope i live a life i'm proud of and have lots of fun on the way!
sorry for the rambling....but hey, just an example of why i love having this space to reflect and look back on. :)